


Price of a Gift

by Tarlan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Community: mcsheplets, Episode Related, Episode: s03e14 Tao of Rodney, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-18
Updated: 2011-07-18
Packaged: 2017-10-21 12:47:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/225321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney thought it was a gift but it came with a heavy price.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Price of a Gift

**Author's Note:**

> Written for **mcsheplets** prompt #92 Gift  
>  Missing scene from _The Tao of Rodney_

Rodney felt the healing power draw up through his entire body, felt it tingling along his arms and through his hands as he placed them on Radek's burned chest. He concentrated on the damage with surprising ease. His mind channeled the energy at the molecular level, repairing damaged cells from the inside out until the epidermis closed over the injury and also healed, leaving not even the slightest blemish to mark the almost fatal injury.

Rodney felt drained but, more than that, he felt ashamed because all he had done was repair a damage he had caused. If he had not been so egotistic and proud of his new super powers--both mental and physical--then he might have foreseen how his aborted work could endanger others. That Radek was the only injury was pure luck and it horrified Rodney to know that he could have hurt so many by his reckless behavior.

Until a short while ago he truly believed that the ascension machine had granted him an amazing gift but as he had learned from John and Elizabeth, nothing came without a price attached. Fortunately, this time he could pay for his hubris with part of that gift but he knew that, next time, he might not be so lucky. Next time someone else might pay the price for his arrogance. As for himself, eventually he would pay the ultimate price for this gift.

He was dying, and if Elizabeth was right then he had only a few days to do as much as he could to leave a legacy behind him that would help protect Atlantis and, more importantly, the people he cared most about. Perhaps releasing his burden did sound like hippie mumbo-jumbo but he had to admit that he had felt stronger and freer with every small act of kindness. He had served tea to Teyla, had healed the scars that pulled so tightly on Ronon's back, and had made other small gestures to increase the happiness of his staff and colleagues. He had even fixed the transporter on one of the spires so Lorne no longer had to carry his easel and paints up 54 floors to the balcony that had given him that perfect view across Atlantis.

Only one person remained on his list and Rodney knew this would be the hardest burden to release. He had so many different emotions wrapped up in John Sheppard--from lust to shame to fear to pleasure and most especially, love. Knowing he had only a few days left ought to have given him the encouragement he needed, but he questioned the validity of releasing a burden simply by transferring it onto another's shoulders--John's shoulders.   
If John did not, or could not, return his feelings then Rodney would have soured their friendship forever, leaving John with a burden of guilt for not being able to give a dying man his greatest wish. Yet if John did return those feelings then Rodney would be giving John only a few short days, perhaps even less, followed by a lifetime of regrets for what could have been if only they had acted sooner. Neither seemed fair on John and yet those feelings were consuming Rodney, choking him up from the inside.

With every other personal objective accomplished, Rodney made his way to John's quarters where John would be waiting to help him meditate. He raised his hand several times before gathering enough courage to request admittance, feeling embarrassed when John answered immediately.

"Was starting to think you weren't coming."

"I got caught up in...things."

He followed John inside, unable to resist studying the lean yet muscular frame from the tip of his messy hair to his bare toes and all the perfection lying between. John turned before Rodney could school his expression, and frowned for one long moment as Rodney stood frozen in shock, before his eyes widened in comprehension. He dropped to the bed, still staring at Rodney.

"I never see it coming," he murmured.

Rodney felt sick inside. He'd already decided to take how he felt about John to the grave, deciding it would be kinder on John and now he had ruined it in one unguarded moment.

"I'm sorry. I never meant...I didn't plan on saying..."

Anger suffused John's face. "You were planning on saying nothing?" The anger faded just as quickly. "Damn it, Rodney."

For a moment, Rodney almost gave into the temptation to read John's mind, seeing conflicting thoughts chasing emotions across his face but John straightened suddenly, nodding to himself as if coming to his own opinion.

"I don't want to talk about this now."

Rodney barked out a soft laugh. "Not wanting to be pushy or anything, but I don't have a lot of time."

"No." John stabbed a finger at him. "That's not going to happen. You're not going to die."

Rodney knew from John's determined expression that there was no point in trying to push this issue now. John had made up his mind and it wasn't going to change until he'd found time to think things over rationally. Rodney could only hope that he didn't take too long because he knew there wasn't a whole lot of time left.

John sighed. "Come on. Lie down...and relax. Let it go for now."

With an answering sigh, Rodney dropped to the floor and placed what he had called the _Ascendometer_ over his forehead before lying down flat on his back and letting John's voice drift over him. Blue skies...wide open spaces...green grass swaying in a gentle breeze...the ocean lapping gently against the piers of Atlantis. He felt a measure of peace soothing over some of his turbulent thoughts.

"What's it down to?" he asked.

"It's not important."

But it was important to Rodney. He needed to know if this was doing him any good or if he was simply wasting the little time he had left. A glance over the top of the screen John was holding revealed the dismaying truth, that he was still too far from reaching the right level needed to ascend. Seventeen Hertz. He simply could not let go of the thoughts tumbling through his mind, full of what-ifs and regrets for past action and inaction, wondering how his life might have turned out if he'd found the courage to come to John earlier. He still resisted the urge to delve into John's thoughts and yet he desperately needed to know if their friendship was still intact or if his slip had ruined everything between them.

"In the grand scheme of things, we're good, aren't we?"

John looked bewildered. "Of course!"

And Rodney believed him, feeling a little more of the burden lift from his shoulders. Perhaps it was better this way...the not knowing.

Everything happened so fast after that; the sharp pain in his head, the way he had to concentrate hard just to draw in a breath as his body began to lose its autonomic functions and shut down. He could feel himself slipping away and though John's words of love and friendship said one thing, his mind soaring right alongside Rodney's for a moment, into those blue skies, gave Rodney all the answer he needed, and a determination to stay alive. Somehow he held onto his body, tightly binding the molecules even as they fought to become pure energy. He felt the ribbon light of the Ascension machine wrapping around him and with the very same gift that he had cursed earlier, he healed his own body, forcing the change of his DNA back to the sample Carson had taken only a short time before the whole incident with the machine.

****

Hours later, after Carson had finished poking and prodding with his machines and needles, Rodney looked up in relief as John offered to walk him back to his quarters. They walked in silence, casting surreptitious glances at one another until the door slid open. John hovered on the threshold but Rodney grabbed a handful of his jacket sleeve and dragged him inside, closing the door behind them and locking it with a single thought. Yet now that he had John's full attention, Rodney was uncertain how to begin that promised talk.

"John."

John looked pained for a moment, but before Rodney could find another word, John grabbed a handful of Rodney's t-shirt and pulled him into a hard kiss before pulling back a fraction.

"Talking's overrated," he murmured in a husky voice, his breath hot and tingly against Rodney's lips. As John's hands slipped beneath the cotton t-shirt to glide across his back, Rodney could only moan in agreement. By the time John maneuvered him onto the bed, they were both naked from the waist down with jackets discarded and t-shirts rucked up as John followed Rodney down to capture a nipple between sharp teeth while his hand wrapped around Rodney's hard cock. Release came swiftly, too long denied for drawn out sex, splattering come across their bellies as they swallowed each other's gasps in a hungry kiss.

John slumped over the top of Rodney, breath ragged, and Rodney heard him swallow hard.

"Don't ever do that to me again, Rodney."

Rodney didn't need to be able to read John's mind to know he was referring to his near-death experience rather than the amazing sex, but the words caught in his throat. It was a promise he couldn't make because even his temporary gift from the Ancients had not granted him knowledge of the future. Instead he held on tighter to John, breathing in the scent of sweat and sex.

"Sorry," he whispered.

John sighed and tightened his arms in turn, accepting that neither of them could make such a promise. All they could do was make each day count...for as long as they both lived.

END


End file.
